20-something.

“Hello. My name is Caitlin, and I’m a 20-something.”

Which is just as indicative of my being twenty-something-years-old as it is of my confidence in whatever the hell I’m doing in life. Although, I guess I can’t exactly define the term… not that I think a definition is needed. If you’re a 20-something, you just know exactly what I’m talking about, and you are welcome to message me to join a pending support group.

But all joking aside, I feel a little bit blindsided. And I know I’m not alone.

Because I’ve been having a lot of conversations with friends and peers as of late – about where we are in life, how that compares to where we thought we would be at this age, where we would like to be going. Allow me to give you some perspective, and keep in mind, these are all people I personally know and dearly love (some of you are gonna recognize yourselves in this):

• One friend moved to Nashville for several years to write and immerse himself in the music scene, and recently moved several states away from there to be back with family.
• Another got a job early in his college career, maintained it through college, chose that position over finishing a degree, and still works for that company as a valuable and successful member of the team.
• A third got married shortly after college, moved states away with her new husband and bought a house, and is soon expecting her first child.
• Yet another recently made a big move completely across the state of Texas to go back to college, pursuing an entirely different degree than she had previously pursued and holding down a full-time job all the while.
• Friend #4 got a degree in something he excels at, and enjoys, and is now struggling to understand how that would fit into a future family life, and is searching for new career paths.
• A young family, both parents in their twenties, have three kids under 6, and are homeschooling and raising some stellar, wonderful little people – a hardworking husband and a busy stay-at-home mom.
• And then there’s me. Who did everything “the right way”, I’m told. I worked hard in undergrad to make good grades and hold down jobs in the agricultural industry so I could get into grad school where I would focus on networking and making good connections and getting my dream job with a stellar organization… Which I did.

And what is it that we all have in common?

We’re all in our mid-to-late twenties.
We all have great ambition and great family support.
We are all passionate, smart, and capable.

And none of us are where we thought we would be.

And more than that, none of the aforementioned individuals are even where they think they should be.

 

Let that sink in.

 

We all took completely different paths in life.
Some of us went to college, some of us didn’t.
Some of us graduated, some of us didn’t.
Some of us went with academic degrees and some of us went with trades.
Some of us got married, some of us didn’t (because who can tolerate us? I mean we’re 20-somethings, we’re collectively the worst).

Some of us are waiting tables at 28 years old and some of us have business cards and 401Ks, and yet, we can all relate to teach other because

none of us are where we thought we would be.

You know what really gets me about that?

 

NOBODY WARNED US THIS WOULD HAPPEN.

 

Nobody! I was given an awful lot of advice, but as far as I can tell, none of us were ever told:

“No matter WHAT you end up doing with your life, when you’re 23-28 years old, you are not going to feel like you’ve ‘made it’. You are not going to feel accomplished or successful or empowered. You’re gonna feel a little lost, a little confused, a little displaced, but you’re not, because

no matter what you do,

that’s normal.”

 

Now, let me make myself very clear.

I am SO HAPPY. I am SO BLESSED. I love my job, and the path that got me here, and the people I met (and, yes, even the people I left) along the way. I regret absolutely nothing and I am so fulfilled and so happy.

But when I look back to 2011, and see how 18-year-old-me imagined 25-year-old-me…. Well, I don’t fit that image. Not by a long-shot And similarly, I’ll bet money that where current-me sees 35-year-old-me, is not at all where 35-year-old-me will actually be in ten years time.

And I’m cool with it now, because I’ve been pondering this for a while. I am well-aware that plans rarely work out in the way that they were initially conceived, but listen to me carefully:
I think it’s total and complete (pardon my french) bullshit that we sell this idea that if you go to college and get a degree and do all the “right things”, that you’ll be better off than someone who didn’t.

I think it’s total and complete bullshit that there’s dozens of articles contradicting each other and telling us all how this study and that study show single people are happier than married people, how driven career women will regret their choices because they were too busy for relationships, or how you need to prioritize this over that and avoid doing such-and-such in order to be successful and

I just think it’s all crap.

Because here I and seven other people sit, as different from each other as can be, and we are all feeling the exact same way.

So here’s my take away from this pile of ramblings:

• You can relate to anyone around you in some way. Don’t be quick to judge compatibility, whether that be professional, friendship, or otherwise, based on situation and circumstance – a lot of us are in far more similar situations than you’d think.
• The only thing that is going to determine your sense of fulfillment or accomplishment are these things:
  • what you make of yourself as a human being – not as an employee, or as a wife, or as an entrepreneur, but as a human being. Be kind. Be honest. Be okay with your “who” and the “what” will follow pretty closely.
  • who you surround yourself with – I know I sound like your mom and you’re rolling your eyes at me but as someone in the trenches right now, I’m telling you she was right. Who you allow to speak into your life will mold you more than anything else you ever do. Ever.
• Don’t be surprised if you find yourself feeling a little bit lost or unsettled or if you feel yourself start “what-iffing”. It’s normal. We’re all there. None of us predicted it. And it’s all good. But don’t let those “wonderings” brew regret – you’re exactly where you need to be. It’s just not where you thought “need to be” was.

 

20-something me has learned that this is the time in my life when my plans, perspective, and priorities are changing. And I’ve accepted it, I’m along for the ride, and I’m enjoying the crawl up the incline and then the rush down to the bottom and then gearing up for the next incline. Ebbs and flows – it’s part of the process, and you can be just as productive in the stagnant times as you are in the rushes.

They say your 20s are the best time of your life, but I really feel like this is a transition stage and I don’t have anything figured out. There are a lot of changes happening in terms of what my priorities are, what I want, who I want to be, and there’s a whole lot of learning. I’m learning a lot about myself – mostly that 18-year-old-me did not know 25-year-old-me at all. 

And being a 20-something means you’re going to need to learn to be flexible. And it takes a lot of grit, a lot of looking at yourself objectively – which is never fun, but as someone in the above examples once told me, “I think it’s important to be able to objectively look at yourself and say ‘you have a lot of things going on’.”

And you gotta give yourself some grace. Because college or not, married or not, kids or not –

I get you. And I’m your biggest fan because, friend, we’re all in the same big shit show, and I think it’s a pretty good time.

But I’m banking on hitting my prime in my thirties. So stay tuned.

 

-C.